I have noticed an increase with many of my clients getting emotionally “triggered” which throws them into a less than desirable operating state 
for productive work and quality living.
In my work, an emotional trigger is when we have a negative internal response to something that comes at us externally that is not aligned to a core value or belief we hold as important.
Over the years, I have discovered that triggers actually have a physical element to them and the clue is for each of us to recognize when our bodies are triggered so we can quickly move through the trigger. For many, it may be a flushed face, tightness in shoulder area, or tension in the stomach. Pay attention and trust your body will tell you – “you’ve been triggered.” The first step is to notice.
Normally, we all get triggered when a defined or undefined value or belief of ours gets stepped on. In the case of my client – Joe – he was in a strategy meeting when one of his more vocally expressive colleagues hijacked the meeting with off colored remarks that resulted in Joe verbally taking his colleague down in public resulting in a less-than-productive meeting and Joe feeling bad afterwards for his behavior.
For Joe, the good news is that he recognized he got triggered and was able to recount the story. Many of us don’t pause to notice or take time to analyze what happened and get to the root cause for the trigger (and then wonder why we return home at the end the day frustrated and in a “mood”).
In our coaching meeting, Joe was able to identify that he has a personal standard around leaders being responsible for their comments and staying committed to the agenda and achieving best results in a meeting. So when his colleague – in Joe’s mind – derailed the agenda with his comments – Joe was triggered and lashed out. From our conversation, Joe realized that his job is to do four things when triggers happen to ensure the most productive meetings and him operating as a high impact leader:
- NOTICE when your mood goes dark. Ask, “What is going on with my body that tells me I have been triggered?” In other words, isolate the cause for the trigger.
- PAUSE and buy a little time to get grounded and collect yourself (this may mean excusing yourself to go to the bathroom, taking a five-minute break from the meeting or if you are on the phone, ask to call back in fifteen minutes, etc.)
- ASK yourself “what value or belief just got violated?” (For example, I have a high value for customer service and if I am in a restaurant and seated without a food server coming to the table within a couple of minutes of me sitting down – you can bet I will have a reaction!)
- REFRAME how you want to address the issue powerfully – recognizing that most likely, the person who triggered you – did not do it intentionally. Put your coaching hat on and think about the best way to re-enter the meeting/situation and clean up the issue so you can be in best shape to achieve the goals for the meeting. (The last time I was in a restaurant with no service, I got up and asked to speak with the manager informing him that I wanted a positive experience and efficient service which resulting in a top notch experience for the remainder of the evening – verses years past, where I would take it out on the food server and have a miserable time).
Triggers are a part of the human experience – the moves we make based on the trigger can make or break our experience. What kind of moves do you make when triggered?
